Ive been "thinking" about posting for days now, with all thats going on ive wanted to post. The two weeks i spent in winthrop i couldnt access the blog so i couldnt post when i was there. Im back in hell with yet another fucking condition added to my "Return home" i guess all the work ive been putting into PT and such is fucking for nothing. I give up im done, im miserable and im going to fucking stay in this shit hole. Its been months since weve had more then one working elevator. And now theres no hot water again, im back to eating dry cereal because i dont want anything else. Mom came tonight and we had yet another fucking war... im done, im not gonna bother trying to get better ... for what? Shell just tack on another fuckin condition to me coming home. Now i cant go home if i dont "Change the way i eat" if i dont start eating vegetables and fish i cant go back to the house. I dont know wtf im gonna do.
Tbh, not a day goes by that i dont just think of ending my misery.. Only a few things keep me going, Nick being one of them. Red, John and a select few others that know whats in my heart help me cope. Oh yah another condition of me going home is "i have to see a psychiatrist" <sp?> I have pills, squirreled away, hoping they will be enough to "do the job". I doubt it tho... Then theres other shit that runs through my head... I need to get the fuck outta here im losing my mind. I spend endless hours crying, i look around and i just want to die. I hate this place i hate all this shit... I cant deal with it anymore and now theres no point in killing myself and putting myself through the pain of standing on my foot. Why bother?
~B
