Long road home...

A few steps at a time, took some steps on friday, wasnt as painful as one would think. Im hoping it continues. Things have changed, Stephanie<sp?> has gone my therapist the one that would come in once a week to sit and shoot the breeze. I miss her, hope that shes enjoying her new position =). However it is still a loss on my end.. The one that replaced her is just ... ugh... lol Its that crazy lady that came at first that i refused and she sent me Stephanie. Anyway... Stuff still plenty complicated with Nick, mixed signals and all... frustrating aggrivating, i dunno maybe i do need to turn around and just distance myself and let him see wtf hes loosing. (dunno if i can handle this tho, not now) eh well same shit dif day new abbr SSDD, kinda like TBSS lol. Im sure Leon will appreciate that one lol. Anyway back to my movie, =) see ya on the flipside. Soon hopefully.

~B

Sick to my stomach...

What do you do when everything is crashing down around you? When one day melds into the next.. When you have nothing left but dispair? Im done I am so far done it isnt even funny any more. I need something... anything... This fuckin place has cost me everything I hold dear. The man of my dreams, my kids, my life my livelyhood. I want to go home but apparently thats not happening, she doesnt want me there.. I cant deal with this place anymore, im fuckin miserable 99% of the time, and that 1% is when im talking to Nick.. I dont even have "him" anymore so to speak. Living on the hope that shit will work itself out isnt enough anymore.. I just want it all to end... I just want all the pain to go away, the hurts to stop... I want to go home, but thats not happening... Home, its so far away, im fuckin miserable, im tired of crying, i have like no tears left... I wanna go home, Brookhaven has stolen so much from me. The ache in my heart pales in comparison to the screaming agony my leg is in.. I wanna go home....Not sure how much longer Im going to keep going. No real reason to anymore tbh...

Its time..

Ive made a decision, apparently one that doesn't sit well with everyone. But one im sticking to all the same.. Im going home. Tonight my mother decided to tell me she doesn't want me home... yaay? Eh, par for the course. Screw it imma pull whatever strings i can muster to get the fuck outta this place. Not like im not going to therapy and such, Ive already called Big Hector to ask if i can go and stay in our old place he doesnt stay there any frikkin way. God i have such a migrane, ive been agonizing over a bunch of decisions as of late, and this one was no different. Ive had enough, enough of sitting here rotting away, enough of depending on a staff to do shit for me, Granted going home would mean somewhat the same shit, but I cant see how it would be worse then being here. Theres places close to home that could give me the PT i need, It cannot CANNOT be worse then being here... If Hector doesnt want me there then I will have to go to the fucking state or some shit, cuz i am NOT Staying here anymore.