Leper (sp?) Colony lol.. oy

Day three of being covered in frikkin hives =( this sucks so bad i cant even begin to relay just how much. They are giving me "Claratin" its not helping i itch from head to toe =( even between em! lol ffs ugh someone rescue me?

Just frikkin depressed.

Lotta shit going on but what else is new. I feel so crappy as is par for the course these days. Miserable over Nick and that shows no sign of easing... Bored with the shit i normally enjoy... I just wanna go home. Two days the sheets didnt get changed, fuckin Pinnok. Seriously... sick of her too. I miss Ms Hicks along with a few others. They made this place bearable and now they are down on the third floor. I wanna go home i hate this fuckin place and everything in it... Im hating alot of shit these days. Oh well to bed i guess. Nothing even on TV. Fuck it ...

~B

Happy Valentines Day

Yet another valentines alone, without the person that holds the key to my heart.. I was born to love him, i can feel it in my every breath... He means the world to me and I havent ever felt this way about anyone. Looking over this "blog" i see my last post didnt post =( I must have closed ti before it saved. Till whenever.

~B

Yesterday.

Dr Khanina came and stood at the door asking if "everything" was okay.. heh typical, apparently shes not the doc on this floor anymore. Eh she came and left like a breeze, lol nothing new. However, yesterday was day four of my sheets not being changed. Looking at the sheet now theres 4 dots on it =) and its only.... tues? Well i had a new girl today but bitched about it, and Alma got Gaines to help get me up and ready fer uh PT =) soooo ill check in later if anything else comes up. Cya!

~B

Tired yet?

Is anyone even listening? I honestly dont expect anyone to be reading this... but some solace remains in just venting... Well this too is getting old.. Its not solving my problems its not even going to be a "reliable source" since they think i lie about shit.. Eh.. im tired... Tired of living day in and day out in this fucking hell hole.. I need to go home but i cant do that.. Im miserable, I cant tell you how many fuckin nights i cry myself to sleep.. But like ive said before. Out of sight out of mind ?Eh... Was talking to mom again today and she thinks by them holding me prisoner its gonna keep me alive? its not, im dying slowly.. i can feel it, im dying inside... Im sick all the time now i feel like constantly wanting to vomit... Im miserable i cant state that enough. I want to get the fuck outta here, i want to go fucking home. (And im not even wanted there) Okay so what now? I have no mother fucking clue... 

This all just proves to me im not needed... nor wanted tbh. The kids dont give a shit they dont miss me... Mom well shes still in her "out of sight out of mind state" Im miserable i want to end this pain, the fuckin suffering im going through and putting everyone else through. 

I cant even see anymore through the sheet of tears... Until whenever..

~B