Thursday, December 30, 2010

Heh what a day.. Setback?

Gotta love the fact that the CNA's took the time to help me get dressed, get up outta bed and into my chair so that i could go down to the first floor ( after waiting by the dayroom for near an hour ) to only not even make it down the hallway to PT... yaay? I think not... Nam stopped Ward from taking me to PT and telling me "oh yah, well maybe next week" wtf you mean maybe next week?  Are you kidding me? O.o The doc ordered me back into PT and already ive missed one day. Im frikkin fumin mad... but wtf can i do? Was waiting for Alma to get outta a meeting =( she never came tho... So like fucking ugh... ::Sighs:: lets see whats gonna happen tomorrow i guess....

~B

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas...

Welp here i am in this god forsaken place yet the fuck still... and yeah moms visit consisted of an hour, eh its okay i guess i dont want her wasting her time here anyway. Wita and Luis came too. ::Sighs:: i want to go home, i hate this fuckin place the food sucks, the care sucks the administration sucks.. the aides im stuck with atm ( 3-11, 11-7 'sometimes' ) ugh... just fucking ugh... Thoughts run through my head constantly, the only thing that keeps me going is him... I was born to love him and i guess i will die loving him... 

~side note... ho ho ho, merry mothers day (inside joke)

~B


Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Still no PT yaay?

The one thing that will get me out of this fuckin hell hole is physical therapy. I have been since still discharged from PT and they have no intention of reinstating it till i get to see the pysychiotrist? I know the spellings wrong but its some therapy doctor. Anyway.. the "Social worker" Letitia comes in and tells me on monday "Well we just wanted to let you know the doctors out of the country and you wont be seen, we dont know when hes comin back...." Are you fucking shitting me? Well i called mom filled her in and im still fit to be tied... sucks seriously. I dont know wtf to do anymore its just so easy to give up even though i dont want to. Eh... till some other shit happens.. Sucks not to eat too just fyi. I dont think ever in my life have i gone to bed hungry. Even when we didnt "have" so to speak. Screw this place and that busybody out in the hallway.

~B

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Fuckin hate my life...

I fuckin hate my life, what have i done to anyone to deserve this shit? I look back and wonder what evil shit ive done to have this crap happen to me... i dont know i dont get it. I mean seriously, i am at the fuckin mercy of these ppl. Even now the CNA's get "annoyed" when i ring for one of them to come... Like wtf? I guess me being so nice to everyone has fuckin "spoiled" them... seriously. I wanna go home. I wanna get the fuck outta here, I hate it here and im fuckin miserable. The one light in my life has dimmed and theres not much left but dispair... I wanna go home. I just wish someone would take me the fuck home... Why do i have to suffer this shit? Why am I here? Why am i in this garbage.. I have gone over shit over and over in my mind, i havent ever lied to anyone, cheated, been mean, evil anything of that sort... And yet, here i am, miserable, and suffering. 

~B

Friday, December 17, 2010

Just a joke...

Yesterday that meeting was just a joke seriously. They have covered their asses and its my fault really for not ever wanting to cause trouble... heh. Go fig. I hate making waves and such, but now they are saying that i am "not cooperating" rofl is that something else or what? That i need to "Socialize", participate in bingo and such.. Like i want to fuckin interact with these nothin better to do then be in other ppls business ppl? rofl, please.. I got better things to do then have ppl nosing in my business. Hell i dont talk to anyone now and they are always talking shit about me.. so imagine if i was actually interacting with these fuckin ppl? No thanks. Ill pass. Seriously its incredible.. They are claming they have no fault in anything thats going on. That everything is "me" eh, i dunno wat to think anymore. I mean seriously im so tired these days, tired of fighting with them tired of living like this... Im at my wits end. i do NOT want another psych, i do NOT want to ahve to start over with yet the fuck another person and givng them my life story. I want however to be left the fuck alone to do what i want... IE Go to PT in the morning and stay in my room ( nothing new kinda what ive been doing all my frikkin life ). Eh thats it fer now. Well that i can think of. Thats a short synapsis of what happened at the meeting 

~B

Monday, December 13, 2010

Oh yaay no more pt?

Heh this has got to be the best news ever... No PT anymore, im finally fuckin getting on my feet and walking and they discharged me from PT. ::smirks:: Thanks Regina, So glad these ppl are 'taking care' of me. Well moms here just wanted to make a quick note of whats going on =P Till later!

~B

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Heh, love this crap =)

Today apparently theres a christmas party ... yaay? my lunch tray consisted of this slop they call turkey, it was grey and disgusting looking. They didnt give me hot water (not that i need it) no creams, no sugars either. No crackers no cheese sandwiches... sooo now its 5 days no food and counting. =) I guess this is the best way to lose weight. heh. Idc anymore tbh.. im sick of all this shit and tired of fighting. Until later... oh... Apparently i have to attend a meeting on the 16th lol nice of them to let me know hu?


~B

Monday, December 6, 2010

Said it before...

Ive said it before and ill say it again. I am going to die in this god forsaken place.. Why am i being punished like this? I dont think im being unresonable.. seriously... I just want one fucking person that has had me before at one point in time or another in this fuckin horrific hell hole im in to tend my needs when i ring ( which is hardly ever ) not for the little things, but for the personal stuff, washing etc... This "journey" in my life has made me even more depressed then I have ever been... EVER. Contemplating suicide pales in comparison to what these fuckin ppl do to me. ( or dont do for that matter ) depending how you look at it. 

Jen just came in, told me they arent going to allow my mother to bring in food, i guess imma be starving from here on out. Know what? i dont even care lol aint that something? Im at the point where i see this as my very large coffin. This place is beyond horrible, Im not sure anymore if im thankful that i am coherent... Because maybe if i was like some of the other residents here i wouldnt feel as miserable as i do, because i wouldnt know whats going on yanno? Eh i guess its a toss up.. What kinda life is it even if you "dont" know whats going on...

My hearts breaking... On top of going through all this shit? I "need" Nick more and more each day, i want to talk to him about stuff but im afraid to.. I dont want to pressure.. Things have been great tbh... I wish he would just rescue me...

~B

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Dec fourth, Mom....

Was here earlier with dad, heh.. He looks good, says hes doin good too im glad, he was sick there for a while. He helps mom out alot shed be lost without him... you know that love hate relationship lol they love to hate one another and fight about it all the time, funny to watch actually. Not much happened today, mom reminded me about the meeting im supposed to be going to on the sixteenth heh, funny they didnt tell me shit about it here... I get to hear from an outside source. Whatever, this place sucks on the whole. Till l8tr, BAI!

~B

Thursday, December 2, 2010

How I cope.

I guess the best way I can say that I cope is with the hope in my heart that the day i "walk" out of here i'll be walking on my way into the arms of the family I love, along with the man I love. I live daily with the hope that he will come to his senses and realize that we werent a mistake... because if we were, then that means I am a mistake. Im miserable day in and day out. This place grating on my last nerve, the only thing that makes it tolerable is the CNA's, They are pretty okay for the most part, sept that chick in the frikkin afternoon oy fuckin vey... Ugh I just cant stomach her anymore. I look at the calendar ( much as I try not to these days ) and I just groan.. another month of her having me from 3-11. But whatever. Turmoil in my soul keeps me fixated on other things. Oh, on a good note, that crazy woman doesnt come to pshycho analize me anymore... or however its spelled lol. Thank god... ugh... 

~B

Friday, November 26, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving...

Dunno how true this is... but hardly happy for me, being still in this god forsaken place... Eh mom came yesterday, turkey was good, sucks still being here. Doc came in the morning to "Examine" me i was half unconsious tired as hell... and he did his "thing" poked my side, legs etc and then walked out. The day was slow, boring same shit as always.. Oh yeah and the aide last night didnt even bother to show her fuckin face in my room. Whatever...

Same shit tonight..
Aide JUST showed up now at 10:54 pm, asked her hours ago @7 pm for the damn towels to wash myself up and shit and she was like "oh ill be back in a lil while" so fuckin glad i got to wash up before it was proverbial too late... ( long personal story but wtfever seriously ). Anyway im just all around fuckin annoyed.. Nothings changed everythings still fuckin miserable.

~B

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Curious...

I have been wondering alot what my rights are... Like wiht all the shit thats going on these days with the aids and stuff... I mean i dont think i am being unreasonable am i? Is it okay for them to try and force me to take aids that i dont know? That make me feel uncomfortable? i dont want to be getting ppl in trouble, i dont WANT to turn around and have to feel like theres a bunch of men in the room staring at me... This isnt a "mental" issue, its a personal one. They are trying to make it seem like im fuckin crazy or something.. im not. I just feel VERY VERY VERY uncomfortable with all the new ppl that are around, im not saying they arent skilled, i dont rightly fuckin care about their skills. I dont want to be getting ppl in trouble but ill say this. If this continues to deteriorate <sp?> i am going to call the fucking state and get them in here. This is unfair, and bad care on my part ( to me in other words ) ugh... its apparently coming from "Nancy" that they are not allowed to swap me around, which imo is fucking stupid since the aids are more then happy to take me ( the ones that know me in other words ). They are just doing this to make me miserable.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Oy frikken vey...

No one understands me, or maybe they do... and just ignore it? I dunno, shits pretty much the same.. However ive been sticking to my "guns" about the CNA's that take care of me. I dun understand why they dont "get" that ive been here over a fuckin year, a year and a half almost exactly... and I just dont WANT new ppl looking at me. Not like sitting in the room looking at me, just "seeing me naked" fuck i mean i dont even want to look in the mirror myself let alone show my ass off to the world for lack of a "nice" way to put this.. im frustrated, now apparently its coming from "Downstairs" that the CNA's arent allowed to switch me off the assignment to one of the girls that have had me before... This is okay i guess im going to deal with it the best way i can.. No water pills and just washing myself up, no drinking either, since thankfully.... i dont "go to the bathroom" more then once a week thats not a huge concern of mine i can deal with that when i cross that bridge i guess. My take is this, they make it worse then it is atm? Then fuck it imma call the state and complain. I mean why is it they dont understand... Oh yeah, the water? well it was "apple juice" colored this morning and lunch was only slightly lighter, why is it this fuckin place isnt worrying about shit like this? Instead of worrying over how to make me miserable? heh. Go fuckin figure... Its okay to feed food with bugs, hairs, etc in it to patients, oh yeah and give them brown water that might have come from the sewers but its not okay to just make them more comfortable by not having strangers looking at them ugh.. Wtfever seriously. Till next time i guess if anyones even frikkin listening.

~B

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Just like... omfg...

Im speechless rofl the woman with the silver tongue. go figure... Howd i get this way? well... lol the woman that took over for Stephanie just frikkin left me speechless seriously... she turned around and said to me "Have you ever met yer online 'friends'? Do they actually HAVE lives not like you..." like wtf?! she did NOT just say that to me did she? Rofl, I just kinda looked at her and "::Blinkblinked::" then went back to what i was doing in UO lol i ignore this woman for the most part she just ... ugh does not sit well with me i dunno why and well now she just rubs me the wrong way LOL. Anyway just wanted to make a note of this before i forgot about it LOL enjoy! 



~B

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Eh same shit...

Different day, not that it matters much in this gd place oy... How am I gonna keep sane in this place, world of warcrafts boring, Nicks giving me shit ( not that thats a new thing lol ), Catas coming and I have no home for Doly sadly =(... Bored out of my mind, I just wana go home. Oy that lady comes today, or tomorrow not sure when she kinda just shows up. Oh yeah, yesterday the nurse gave me the wrong prescriptions. heh. Wasnt Ms Grant tho... I didnt bother reporting it or taking them I just tossed em all out. God you cant trust anyone in this frikkin place... I need to make some phone calls today i guess get in touch with Debbie, and uh ... dumbass ::Smirks:: Big Luis... or Elvin heh. Sadly I havent been able to get in touch with Willie, im worried about him =( Oh well till next time. 

~B

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Ticks me off...

That I have to explain myself over and over... eh its been a week or so since my last post.. Ive had a few setbacks, I nearly fell again in PT, and my wound opened up somewhat ( eh hard to explain but you get the idea of what im saying ) Anywho. I miss Stephanie sadly, ugh this other woman just crawls under my last nerve seriously... Today she came in talking to me about my problem with the afternoon shift. Long story but basically im at the point where I dont want new aids i dont think this is a huge request i just cant do it anymore. I dont want ppl looking at me naked sue me. Ive always felt this way and its been over an year and a half that ive been in this fucking hell hole you cant tell me they cant accomodate it. I dun care tbh, im sticking to my guns. Ugh she came in and did nothing but irritate me. Nevermind the fact that the gd Social worker came in earlier today and i SWEAR i didnt hear her knock, i was naked and Ms Hicks was washing me up... ugh... just fucking ugh... then the social workers like "oh well can you cover up? I just need to talk" i mean are you fucking serious? Go away? Oy vey... Anyway, thats just the tip of the iceburg. Heh im on the phone with Nick atm, so im only half paying attention to what im 'typing'. Night for now, gonna go talk to him some more till i fall asleep... I wish he would fuckin admit that we belong together and fix shit... thats a story fer another day tho... Nini bloggers everywhere. =)

~B

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Long road home...

A few steps at a time, took some steps on friday, wasnt as painful as one would think. Im hoping it continues. Things have changed, Stephanie<sp?> has gone my therapist the one that would come in once a week to sit and shoot the breeze. I miss her, hope that shes enjoying her new position =). However it is still a loss on my end.. The one that replaced her is just ... ugh... lol Its that crazy lady that came at first that i refused and she sent me Stephanie. Anyway... Stuff still plenty complicated with Nick, mixed signals and all... frustrating aggrivating, i dunno maybe i do need to turn around and just distance myself and let him see wtf hes loosing. (dunno if i can handle this tho, not now) eh well same shit dif day new abbr SSDD, kinda like TBSS lol. Im sure Leon will appreciate that one lol. Anyway back to my movie, =) see ya on the flipside. Soon hopefully.

~B

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Sick to my stomach...

What do you do when everything is crashing down around you? When one day melds into the next.. When you have nothing left but dispair? Im done I am so far done it isnt even funny any more. I need something... anything... This fuckin place has cost me everything I hold dear. The man of my dreams, my kids, my life my livelyhood. I want to go home but apparently thats not happening, she doesnt want me there.. I cant deal with this place anymore, im fuckin miserable 99% of the time, and that 1% is when im talking to Nick.. I dont even have "him" anymore so to speak. Living on the hope that shit will work itself out isnt enough anymore.. I just want it all to end... I just want all the pain to go away, the hurts to stop... I want to go home, but thats not happening... Home, its so far away, im fuckin miserable, im tired of crying, i have like no tears left... I wanna go home, Brookhaven has stolen so much from me. The ache in my heart pales in comparison to the screaming agony my leg is in.. I wanna go home....Not sure how much longer Im going to keep going. No real reason to anymore tbh...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Its time..

Ive made a decision, apparently one that doesn't sit well with everyone. But one im sticking to all the same.. Im going home. Tonight my mother decided to tell me she doesn't want me home... yaay? Eh, par for the course. Screw it imma pull whatever strings i can muster to get the fuck outta this place. Not like im not going to therapy and such, Ive already called Big Hector to ask if i can go and stay in our old place he doesnt stay there any frikkin way. God i have such a migrane, ive been agonizing over a bunch of decisions as of late, and this one was no different. Ive had enough, enough of sitting here rotting away, enough of depending on a staff to do shit for me, Granted going home would mean somewhat the same shit, but I cant see how it would be worse then being here. Theres places close to home that could give me the PT i need, It cannot CANNOT be worse then being here... If Hector doesnt want me there then I will have to go to the fucking state or some shit, cuz i am NOT Staying here anymore.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Its been a few days...

Okay maybe more then a few =) but eh... writing "Same shit different day" seems uneventful, lol. Its been just that, same shit different day. Some stuff going on with the CNA's and such but thats neither here nor there... I guess im finally at the end of my rope, here i am sitting in the same gd place, and its been well over a year now. Its time... Time to go home time to get the hell outta here. I cant deal with this anymore. Sanity teetering on a double edged sword... Ive come to the decision that I am gone come the end of next month. However... I intend to keep this blog going, i used to write stuff down in a book years ago, this is so much faster and easier then actually writing pen to paper lol. Oh well stay tuned, same bat time same bat channel =)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Brookhaven, As the stomach turns? rofl...

Never did I think i would ever hear such drama bullshit in a facility that one would go to recuperate and whatnot... Latest bs, is that some residents got caught having oral sex... all I can say is eww? rofl.. Ugh aside from all the shit i deal with here at least that was something amusin to hear. I mean really who the HELL goes to a rehab to get better from an illness, ( not drugs or alch thats not what this rehab is ) to go and have sex of some sort with other residents. With all the housekeeping, nurses, aides, other residents and such around wouldnt you think twice? Ugh.. thats the best I can say ...ugh lol.



Another note was, the doc came and changed some scripts around and such so im hopefully not taking as much crap as they were trying to give me via medications. uh... oh yeah... The phlebotomist came on friday? Now ive been told i cannot have needles in my room so that i can "sew" i do cross stitching and such needlepoint etc... and this dumb broad left two needles on my bed.... brain dmg? This chicks a frikkin windowlicker ( again lol thanks Valezia ) I cant stand her or her mother they are both like frikkin brain dead... okay lol enough bashin =) Figured id toss a note about this stuff to keep it in mind. =) its Sun night moms here with Wita =) and imma end here for now ttys!! Thanks for reading and listening.


~B

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Last night..

Last night the doc came to see me, i told him everything was okay for the most part, i mean what is really gonna change here? heh.. He changed my scripts not that im going to take the extra pills cuz htey make me just miserable... ive been feelin good for the most part tbh... going to PT every day n such hopin to get outta this place soon oy its enough...

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Just ugh...

Ever look at food and want to simply vomit? well that seems to be the daily trend around here seriously... Today for dnner they bring me stuffed shells which i might have eaten if they werent ice fucking cold and without any sauce... i mean wtf? My menu is supposed to not have gravy ( brown gravy? ) but apparently the kitchen ppl here are as dumb as dirt.. so yeah. I give up, coffee and crackers it is for me.. and the occasional dinner mom brings, soon ill be out of here... Hopefully 


~B


Thursday, September 9, 2010

Blurred speed

Eh its been about a week, well a week and a day, Wound doc was here yesterday said that the wound "seems" okay, since its not hurting that hes not gonna cut me to allow it to drain they are gonna "Wait and see" not very comforting, same crap tho this week, least Ms Hicks is back =) oh well.... today I have Kelly in the 3-11 shift, shit is my damn bell was on since frikkin 2 or so... at the very least an hour, and its 3:30 or so now. ugh and like 300 degrees in my room. Till mananas.. =)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Forgot =P

Today the wound doc came and forgot his "Scalpel", so that means another week with this wound the way its been they need to help it drain etc.. taking me off the cumadin <sp?> so that the clotting will do its job. oh well till manana

Dear Abby?

I remember years ago i would sit and read the newspaper in the city.. the Daily news in fact... and there was this advice columnist, Abby.. rofl i dunno wtf it is but everyone seems to gravitate twords me as their "Dear Abby" >.< ugh its frustrating at times, I mean i got my own issues to deal with specially these days... But I cant say no.. i cant say "Eh.. not now i really cant help ya" Even if i just sit and listen i think it makes them feel better. Me however? ugh... its just exhausting. But things seem a lil better these past few days... Nothing major going on, but nothing bad happening either.. No news is good news? Something along them lines... =)

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Friday

Lotta shit goin on today, Wound doc came and they were supposed to cut open my wound, they didnt... heh, "next week" not that i want them to, but apparently its 'necessary'. Going through alot of shit, ::Sighs:: with Nick, finally told him to basically bugger off, that Im not takin his shit anymore. Its killin me, but i'm gonna stick to my guns.. im more miserable then i was before... great.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Whata Mornin'

Heh woke up a bit late this morning... but a good thing? Woke up to two fkn styrofoam <sp?> Cups of BROWN water.. ugh this just gets worse and worse as the days go along... I just cant help but sit and sigh Seriously. heh. I know my last entry was on friday, but nothing much has happened in the past few days. Well till this morning. Oh yeh.. Ms Hicks is on vacation >.< shes in such trouble lol. Oh well later everyone =) till lunch? lol something like that.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Pizza Day

Well here I am another "pizza day" and yep mom ate it all, told me my share was in her stomach =P yaay? lol Went down to PT and whatnot, eh standin is gettin easier..Hopefully soon ill walk my ass outta this crazy place. ::Sigh:: i cant believe im still frikkin here seriously. Not much else to report, same shit different day, time fer randoms and such since its raid night =) tata!!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Eh...

Welp its midnight and ::Shrugs:: same shit different day, went down to PT today, Delwin wasnt there apparently hes out sick or something... hope hes feelin better soon ( i never said that tho lol ) um .. I remembered something earlier today, the um wound doc came on wed, and dr canina came last night now they are wanting to poke me n shit take more bloodwork ugh... i wont let them its rediculous that phlebotomist is a window licker ( new word thanks Valeza ) lol um its late im tired, no real breakfast ( overslept ) dinner was sandwich and chips, same for luch.. Watermelon fer breakfast yum =) till tomorrow nini!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Why put off till tomorrow...

Well yesterday i kept "thinking" about writing heh and i never got around to it. Well on the 17th, Dr Canina came. Same short nothing kinda visit, she asked me if i was getting up to PT and such.. Then promptly left after a short once over on my belly the wound that is. They are supposed to take blood come monday, and are considering sending me back to Winthrop. Much as i dont mind going there, id rather not, i would miss out on my PT and i dont want to do that. =( No dinner last night, and again the water came up dirty and filmy just.. yuck. Eh Anyway just wanted to make quick notation to what happened yesterday. I didnt go down to PT today either =( my bellys still hurting but tomorrow im goin down come hell or high water. Kinda upset that Stephanie didnt come today =( it is wed after all. Anyway, till later =) time to go random and such ugh... lol wows a chore these days O.o

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Misery

Ahh well here i am again posting heh. Going to actually try and make this a daily thing that i jot down all thats going on, and that which is on my mind =P yeah, giving away pieces of my mind lol. Anyway Today was just HORRIBLE... I was out of bed bright and early, ( with the help of the aides of course ) Went down to PT, and was back upstairs @ 11:20 or so, to find that they had started to wax the floor in my room but the dood went to lunch lol like hes the only onethat can wax my floor? I dun get it seriously... anyway, i was miserable in pain and my leg was numb, my stomach throbbing finally they finished, hours later.. Well it was taking forever for them to get me back in bed, finally i told Malou that I was going to throw myself on the floor i would be more comfortable then the gd wheelchair... oy vey. Todays moms birthday =) Happy Birthday to ya!! Beeeeuuuteeefullll >.< ugh, lol one of these days imma strangle that woman that does the morning announcements. And by today i mean the 16th i know this is going to post on the following day because its after midnight. Eh well nothing much else happened... till tomorrow nini =)

~B

Monday, August 16, 2010

Spitting nails...

Man am I pissed, way to start a fuckin  monday morning... By being woken up to being stabbed in the back of my hand by a phlebotomist that cant stick the broad side of a barn... Want to talk about waking a bear? I sat in bed and cursed them out, both her and Alma, I was out cold asleep and here they stroll into my room and do this bullshit. I hate that chick that draws blood, it used to be her mother before (Whom sucked btw) now its her... and they did this shit with me DEAD asleep. Dont bother to wake me up or anything? Man ... Just like the title says, i am spittin nails. Last night pretty uneventful, heh i guess its because this crap was in the works...Till later

~B

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Dinner...


Yeah well its dinnertime around here and as per my usual these days I refused the tray, however i took my "waters" so i could make myself some instant coffee... lol and low and behold once i mix in my coffee and sugar and start stirring the hot water i notice a slight film on top of the water =) Appetizing eh?

Brookhaven

Okay lets see how I got to this point I'm at atm. I got sick about a year ago in June of the summer of 2009. Now I find myself in a rehab called Brookhaven. A bout of pneumonia compounded by me fighting off the people in the ER, then tearing my abdominal hernia ( which soon after was operated on ) has landed me here. Sent here to get back on my feet and walk since I had been "laid up" for a few months I thought the trek would be a quick one... Stupid me heh. 

I have now spent a year and then some here in brookhaven, the aides and nurses caring and good at what they do make this place somewhat tolerable. The food horrible makes for skipping a few meals easy heh. I remember a few years ago hearing about this place, a place that was supposed to be aces in helping people lose weight. Now I know why first hand ::smirks:: The food makes you sick, if not, you find an occasional hair in it, oh wait... and better yet bugs =). Yeah I'm what I call a huge bugophobe lol. I freaked out when I saw the fly pressed into the bread of my sandwich. Thats a story for another time tho.

The reason for me starting this blog is to keep an accurate account of the goings on here in brookhaven and have it dated and such. I write things down now in a small daily planner but the lines are small and whatnot and I just cant "vent" =) Which I plan on doing here. Mom much as I love you, I am SICK of you telling me to write it down when I do =P. This way I figure I can vent and give accurate accounts of whats going on day by day without it being "just" on some paper they will probably accuse me of falsifying. 


Alright quick short version of whats been going on so far. Pneumonia, hernia, then brookhaven where i spent about three months straight laid up in bed because they were afraid to have me sit up/walk etc due to my hernia surgery. Then some more months passed, and some more I wasnt getting any bedside PT, just OT ( theres a difference PT, is for strengthening and maintaining your legs, as were OT is occupational therapy upper body and arms ) Scared now to stand and walk on shaky legs I hesitated for a long time, they got me up and things were somewhat okay.. I stood up in my room with a walker for the first time in months. Three people there to help me, one on either side and then one in front of me. It actually felt good, shaky but good. Couple of weeks past, and then I was downstairs in PT, they kept pushing me to stand again ( even though I kept saying i wasnt ready to. I felt that I needed some more work in PT downstairs in the gym ) Eh... They didnt listen, with one person sitting in front of me on a chair, I was made to stand on the parallel bars. No one on either side ( One because one side is blocked by a wall, the other side usually has ppl in wheelchairs blocking that rail ) Needless to say I fell... My arm caught on the parallel bars I swear i thought it was going to snap and break. They pushed me to the cold floor ( where I stayed for a good 2 hours waiting on fire rescue ).

From the cold floor of Brookhaven I went to Winthrop Hospital. ( Not a new place for me to be, nor would it be my last visit unfortunately. ) In winthrop they found that I had compartment syndrome in my leg and I needed surgery ( another huge setback in my path to recovery.) They cut open my leg, and basically kept me in the hospital for about a week, everything was fine when they sent me back to Brookhaven. Having been back a week after the sugery on the lower left leg and having a skin graft taken to cover it from my right thigh, the right thigh slowly became infected. Brookhaven nurses wouldnt change the dressing without specific orders from the "Doctor" Not sure exactly which doc they meant but that was the reasoning... That lil "episode" turned into an infection on my right thigh. Again i went back to winthrop, Spent 5 weeks there or so to get rid of it before they would send me back to brookhaven. 

The days seem to blurr together, they become all one and the same. Im not sure exactly how long passed but I remember soon after having gotten sick again and landing up back in the hospital unconsious for 2 days straight. The doctors and such in winthrop so worried over my condition they kept close eye on me. This is where Dr DiMaio came into my life. I thank the heavens above for him and everyone at winthrop. He had taken note of me being back in the hospital yet again and actually called my mother to ask her permission to oversee my case. I cant tell you how greatful I am for the staff at winthrop hospital. The nurses are incredible, the aids are wonderful and the doctors are caring. I couldnt have had better care in a hospital then I did there. The food was good too =). 

Alright now that my leg had surgery and such, Another few months laid up? yeah... heh. Okay so trying to shorten this some. A few more hospital stays and whatnot and here we are... All for different things, fevers, infections etc..

It's sat afternoon and im sitting here doing this blog, something I had considered doing quite a few times but now determined to do this because it may help my sanity... The "blurred" day in and day out of this place is turning my brain to mush... I want to go home, to get outta here and leave this god forsaken place. To get back home to my kids and family. My mother an angel in all this, I dunno what I would do without her. She brings my spoiled ass food every other day, snacks and such too ( once i a while a goodie or two lol ) My father driving her crazy on her drive down here lol they deserve one another, they drive each other crazy its pretty funny to watch. Then theres my Gmother, She comes to see me on occasion and it breaks my heart when they leave. I hate being here, I dont think Ive ever hated anything more. My kids... It just kills me when they leave, granted they are grown and whatnot but still. I miss them, with all my heart. I hate not being there for them, for them having to go through all this. I know my family is suffering "for" me as much as I am suffering missing them. 

Im sure as time goes by and I continue this blog you will see the mention of alot of names.. Ms Hicks, Ms Gains, Fanny, Jill, Jackie and a bunch of others. These are the women that have been helping take care of me for the past year... The list has gotten quite long. I've had to write the names down as so I wont forget... well for what I have planned ( secret atm lol =P so deal with it ) 

Just a last note, weirdest thing.. I had been thinking of doing this blog like i said, days and days id go and come to this site and never get it started. Well this morning I said "today" and after breakfast and such, the nurse doing the dressing on my belly and whatnot, I started the blog... lol Im typin this blog as im sitting here watching Diary of a mad black woman =P Just thought it kinda odd that I started this then the movie started >.< Anyway, =) Till later, or tomorrow.

~B