Thoughts

Sitting thinking, much the same stuff as usual. I mean how much can change when my days are still a blurr, when they all just seem to be like the one before? I miss him, Im alone and it sucks. ::Sighs:: 18 days and counting. Will it ever get easier? Will this agony ever end? ... Im at the point of whatever, I dont even like doing my normal stuff anymore. I dont know where to focus my energies. Ive started sewing again, I think im going to start reading something to escape for a while. Eh... im boring =P live with it lol.

~B.

Glad to be home... not.

Tired of fighting tired of arguing tired of being sick, tired of being tired... see a theme? I need to move to get out of here and out of "her" hair... its annoying to both of us, and its affecting everything. Like i dont feel shitty enough as it is i gotta hear this crap at 4 am... whatever im done tired sick frustrated miserable etc. More tomorrow im tired and really dont feel like typing
 

Im sorry

Sorry that I never got to hold you in the circle of my arms,
Sorry that I never got to gaze within your eyes.
Im sorry that I never got to feel the brush of your lips on my eyelids for each tear I now shed.
Sorry that I will never know the warm touch of your fingers on my cheek.
Im sorry that I will never feel the strength in your arms holding me tight.
I am sorry that I will never again feel whole and complete.
The void within my heart growing day by day.
The darkness slowing consuming the light within my eyes.
My heart breaking into millions of shattered glass pieces.
For I trusted you to keep it safe and you failed me.
Betrayed me... Abandoned me.
I am miserable, alone, destitute, the love I had in my heart now replaced with despair.

~B

Sucks being alone.

Its been days now Ive sorta lost track of how many but nearing a week i guess. I havent spoken to him and he hasnt bothered to even try to talk to me. Shows me how much he valued me... it hurts, makes me feel like shit tbh... ::Sighs:: my eyes well up with tears and my heart breaks every time i think of it.....

Ask me again.. i hear her whispering those words to Orlando... I carry you in my spirit. I pray for you more then i pray for myself... I feel those words in my being... Sad... so so sad after 11+ years I mean absolutely nothing to the man i adore... go fig. Time heals all wounds they tell me, they lie... I know its recent this is only just happening now, but i know me. Nick is it, the one and only person I will ever again let into the deepest recesses of my heart. Sucks when ppl are so selfish, I see it time and time again.. Its killing me slowly. 

~Forever,

~B

Life just sucks

Its been days since ive heard from him... Sad to finally see that after all this time and as much as I love him im easily disposable.... With nothing more then a "bye" after 11 years i guess its over? My heart breaking daily and miserable on top of the shit im going through this isnt helping. Its been a month that I have been looking for a gd doctor to oversee me so that I can have the nurses come to the home and I cant even get that squared away. ::Sighs:: Im so overwhelmed you would think that he would help, make things a bit easier, but instead he takes his own selfish route.. Cuz hes angry he resorts to fuckin calling me retard and such. Im so sick of it. I guess ive held on all this time because I have hoped that he would change that my love would make him ... "not so angry" I guess not... Even in that ive failed. The man i adore doesnt even give a shit about me. Go fig.


~B

Eh late night

Its about 3 am, im sitting in a literati room with him playing scrabble its late were both tired. Same shit different day however, well tomorrows monday hopefully ill get some shit accomplished i swear i want to kill ppl when i have to deal with all them stupid "press 1" "press 2" etc omg lol wtb frikkin ppl picking up the phone so i dont have to spend 50 years trying to see if i can get some help? LOL. Anyway, im listening to Baby by Beiber. but other ppl are singing it, pretty awesome bunch too if ya ask me =)

Take a look =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUAPksxTDPQ

I love these guys they are pretty great, her too. Anyway gonna hit the bed soon. Nighters....

~B