Six more days....

Six more days till I go home dont think it will be any better. Im pretty screwed up now as it is, cant stop crying dont wanna leave my room. Maybe being at home will be better, Ill be alone all the time, I wont have to look at myself or others. I dont know what my life will become, however I do know this, I dont think I can keep my promises to Nick. 

~B

I almost died...

A month and a half or so ago, maybe a bit more I almost died, go fig. and tonight i kinda wished they hadnt saved me. This misery burns deep in my heart and its getting no better. Now with the word from the man I adore that he no longer cares about me, or wants to be together, I just wish my misery would end... Why am I still here? Why did they save me ? For what? so I can continue down this god awful path into the void? Im lost, alone and miserable. I wish they had let me bleed to death that night. I know I passed out when I lost blood, I wouldnt have felt a thing. I am sorry to my family for feeling this way but I cant help it. I love you all as well but to live a life alone is just .... There are no words.

~B

Misery.

I believe wholeheartedly that you get what you give. We all have a destiny, oddly tho, why does it seem mines misery? No matter what I do, say or try to do, I always seem to get shit on, abused, molested, raped? ::sighs:: among other shit.. Ppl talk to me like im garbage, so maybe i am? yah yah ppl are going to say oh yer so dramatic. ( Drama queen ) but im not i mean look at my track record?

I was molested at a very young age, ( and it lasted years ) I was raped at the age of 13, The man I married? Well he cheated on me after we were married 6 months. Ive been physically abused by men, verbally abused by them as well, my mother lived through hell ( and i seem to be doing the same no matter how fucking hard i try and break the cycle. ) Ive been trapped in my body for years now, now im trapped in hospitals and rehabs.. im fuckin miserable day in and day out. And the one person that I love more then life itself? yah... he talks to me like im garbage too... I guess this is my fate.

~B.